The breakdown...

I'm sure I'm not the only pregnant woman that has had a breakdown. For some it may come at the beginning when they first find out they're pregnant or perhaps half-way through when they find out the girl they had hoped for is really a boy - for me the breakdown occurred last night, just three days before the due/induction date. It kind of came out of nowhere and I think I scared my husband!

It was just before bed on Saturday night and Steve made a casual comment that we only had two really good nights of sleep left before this baby would change our life. That was it - it set me off on an embarrassingly long display of tears and emotion.

Change is hard and the reality that our comfortable world is about to change drastically was just about more than I could handle. People wonder why I wouldn't want to try and get this baby out sooner than now - it's because I'm more comfortable with him in, rather than out. Steve's simple comment was a dose of reality that I have mentally avoided for some time and once it soaked in I just lost it. My loving husband held me as I tried to control the tears rushing down my face. Immediately I started to think of my three children and how they would handle the changes and I worried - as many parents do how they would respond.

I finally got my emotions in check and was able to talk with Steve in complete sentences. We had a good talk for about 10 minutes and then more fear/worry snuck into my head and I was a mess once again. I was tired and ready for bed, but I decided I needed to hold each one of my kids before shutting down for the night. Steve wanted to join. I went into each of their rooms and watched them in their peaceful slumber and stroked their hair and rubbed their backs and whispered just how much I loved them.

They will never know I was in their room last night with tearful eyes and a full heart, but it was therapeutic for me. It was as if I was reassuring each child that I loved them so deeply and they each held a piece of my heart regardless of the chaos and change that is about to become our life with a new baby. After spending time in each kid's room I was able to wipe away the final tears and breathe once again. It'll all be okay. Apparently I just needed to get out a few nerves. Funny how I still seem to get nervous and worry the fourth go around. With that out of my system we're just about ready...