Preschool and swearing...

Bennett's preschool teacher sends an email every week telling the parents the happenings from the week. She goes over the letters they learned, funny things the kids say as well as any information that might be important to parents.

This is my fourth year with this teacher - I know the routine. So each week I get the email, I scan through it to see if Bennett is mentioned and then I skip to the last paragraph which contains important info. Bennett is over flowing with funny comments so he's mentioned frequently in emails.

I read the last weekly update and was surprised to see Bennett quoted twice. The first comment was typical of his humor. The second comment...I was a little surprised...and so was the teacher. Here's a paragraph from her email:

"We learned what happens when s and h get together. Sh! They break the rules and make their own new sound! We found lots of sh words. Shark, sheets, share, sheep, shop and shut the door! Funny story; we were finding sh words and the children were ‘shushing’ to find words; Shhhhhip! Shhhharptooth! Quite innocently, Bennett shushed and came up with, shh, shh, shhhhit! Completely unaware of what he had just said, he smiled as he looked up for validation. I stifled my surprised giggle. Right! It is an sh word! But, it’s not a good word. How about shut? Yah! Let’s go with that! Shut! Good job, Bennett! Sheesh!"

My mom was visiting when I received the email and we were both dying of laughter. Even when he's not trying to be funny he still makes me laugh. For the record - that's not a word he's heard in this house and I'm pretty sure the only "swear" words he's aware of are stupid, shut up and using the Lord's name in vain.

It's a good thing his preschool teacher has a sense of humor and knows how to roll with it!

Bennettisms...

Bennett is the comedian of the family. He's animated and he knows how to put on a show. I always think I'm going to remember all of the little one liners and sadly I never remember. Heres a few (some from a while ago) from my phone...

He woke up in the middle of the night screaming for me. I rushed to his room and he was really disoriented and couldn't seem to tell me why he called me in. After stuttering a few times he finally pointed to his pillow, "My pillow is stinky." I picked it up and sure enough it was covered in drool. I flipped it over and told him it wasn't stinky anymore. He put his face in and smelled. And then laid down and went to sleep.

He was in nursery at church and the leaders could smell a stinky diaper. They checked one kid when Bennett came running over and in a loud and boisterous song, sang, "I'm poopy."

Bennett has become quite the entertainer at church and has captured everyone's hearts. He walks around with Steve before the meeting starts shaking everyone's hands. A boy at church saw Bennett working the crowd and asked, "How did Bennett get so famous when he's so little."

We were sitting at the table eating lunch when I referred to him as "honey". He shot me a "don't you dare" look and said, "What you say to me?" "Honey, you need to eat your lunch." He quickly shot back, "You no call me honey...Anna calls me honey." Anna is his 3 year-old BFF who clearly has a nickname for Mr. B!

He was talking quickly and I could only make out a few words out of each sentence. I heard "big burpions". Seconds later I heard "little burpions." I had no clue what he was referring to until he mentioned Steve's foot and then I knew he was talking about scorpions. So I corrected him and then next time he said it he really enunciated...BURRRRpions. He thought he nailed it. I gave him a high five indicated he nailed it!

He picked up the phrase, "Who cares" and he's been using it in the funniest situations but rarely is it used in the right context. One particular time he used it correctly. While in nursery, the leader was talking about one of the kids finishing their snack. Bennett chimes in, "Who cares about Johnny's snack."

I dropped him off at preschool and as he got out of the car he saw his friend. He was trying to get his attention to slow down and wait for him. "Buddy! Buddy! Hey buddy, wait for me. Buddy do you see me? Hi buddy." Clearly we need to work on names of classmates because I'm pretty sure with how many times he said buddy, he had no clue what his name was!

Funny Comment...

A friend from church relayed the following story from Sunday.

Hunter's primary class was discussing families. The teacher went on to talk about the different people in a family; Moms and dads and brothers and sisters. She then started to talk about the families of each of the kids in the class. She came to Hunter's best friend and talked of his mom and dad. Hunter was quick to report that his friend didn't have a dad because he was in jail. His best friend looked at him confused - "My dad's not in jail." Hunter continued to argue his point claiming that one day when he went over to play, the dad wasn't around and his friend told him that he had to go to jail.

The conversation that Hunter had with his friend discussing this point continued - the teacher continued to laugh and then shared with their parents.

Not sure where kids get their crazy ideas, but this one was pretty funny.

Funny Comment...

Hunter is one funny kid - he often tells me when he almost did something he shouldn't but then he changed his mind.

Just the other day he heard me opening the oreos (during Bennett's rest time) and he came running into the kitchen. He proudly says, "I was going to sneak some oreos but then I thought you'd hear the package open, so instead I'm just going to ask for some." He didn't take the oreos because he felt guilty about doing something wrong, just afraid he was going to get caught. Lines like this come out of his mouth all the time.

On a slightly related note - Hunter asks for oreos every day after he finishes his sandwich. But he's learned not to ask for them when Bennett's around so he'll say, "Can I have a O-R-E-O when Bennett goes to b-e-d?" As Bennett sits next to him wondering why he just said his name. Every. Single. Day. It kills me. (he spells out bed as well because Bennett freaks out if he hears the word during lunch time - he knows nap time is quickly approaching and he's doomed!)

On another slightly related note - I'm not a huge fan of oreos. If I'm going to eat them it's going to be the mint ones, but I recently bought a package of lemon oreos and I'm in love. They're not for everyone, Steve dislikes them, but the kids and I are eating them up. Try them out.

Funny Comment...

Hunter's preschool teacher sends out a weekly email with an overview of the week and funny things kids have said during the week.

This week Hunter had a great quote in the email. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up he said, "I want to be a missionary...No, I want to be Santa...No, I know, a bishop."

Funny Comment...

Mr. B is at that stage where he loves to talk and yet 80% of the time you can't understand a darn thing that comes out of his mouth. Often I just smile and nod and then distract him so he doesn't get frustrated that I'm not listening to him. While we were in Idaho he said the same thing over and over again and I had no clue what he was saying. A couple days later he was saying the same thing and I tried my hardest to understand him but I was getting nowhere. Later, we were driving in the car and a Black Eyed Peas song came on and he started shaking his head in his seat and started singing along.

And then it hit me, I knew exactly what he had been saying so many times before but his interpretation was a little off. Instead of the correct lyrics, "Pump it, louder. Pump it, louder." He sang, "Bump it, Owie. Bump it, Owie." He had been walking around the house saying it over and over again and I had no idea he was jamming out to the BEP!

Hopping Hunter...

Flash back: Hunter came home from preschool as the Easter bunny one day. He thought he was the funniest thing and he spent the afternoon hopping around. It was all fun and games until he jumped too high and one of his precious eggs came flying out of his basket. Fortunately it was a hardboiled egg and it survived the fall with minimal injuries. However, it didn't survive the one-year-old that got to the egg before Hunter did. It quickly became a smashed mess and I salvaged what I could to calm Hunters rage. I gave him a portion to eat and he looked at me very confused and turned up his nose. I assured him was safe to eat and he slowly took a bite. It was great and he loved it. He thought it was so fun that you peeled the egg "like and orange". Kids are amused by the smallest things.

Speaking of Hunter - he said something that caught me off guard as I was making dinner yesterday. "Mom, You know when I'm really sad and crying, and at the same time I'm really thirsty? I just go like this (licking the side of his face with his tongue like a frog). Then I'm not really thirsty anymore. Do you ever do that?"

I was dying laughing. He was so serious and could not understand what I found so funny. I can't say that I've ever licked my tears as a source of liquid replenishment. But that doesn't mean I won't in the future now that it has been brought to my attention!

Funny Comment...

Make fun of me all you want - but I am a spray butter fan. I have been a fan for years and I have received all sorts of ridicule and mockery, but it hasn't changed my habits! I use it on toast, muffins, rolls, corn on the cob, potatoes, asparagus - there is no limit to when I will pull out the spray. My children have been raised in a house with my example and they too love spraying. The other day, Hunter requested cinnamon toast. We had company over for dinner the previous night so I had a plate with a stick of butter on it on the counter. Not thinking anything of it, I took a knife out of the drawer and started to spread the butter. Hunter started throwing a little fit because he felt like I wasn't making what he asked for.

Me: Why are you crying?
Hunter: Because I told you I wanted cinnamon toast.
Me: I know - that's what I'm making for you.
Hunter: (Totally exasperated) Then why did you use that type of butter?

Type of butter? I've officially brainwashed my children if they think the stick of butter on a plate is a "type of butter". They think the real butter comes in liquid form and is easily sprayed with little hands. It's moments such as this that I feel like a successful mother!

Funny Comment...

We have early morning church these days which means we do everything we can the night before to ease the morning rush. Last Sunday I was in the bathroom curling my hair (I had slept on it wet the night before and it was already a little curly) when Hallie came in asking if I would curl her hair. I looked at the clock and knew there was no way we would have time. I declined her request. She came into the bathroom just a short while later when I was finishing getting ready asking again. We were getting ready to walk out the door and I told her no, she left the room pouting.

After church we were in the kitchen eating some lunch when Hallie commented how pretty my curly hair was. Hunter decided it was time to enter the conversation:

"Mom, that was not very nice of you to take all the time to curl your own hair this morning and not curl Hallie's. She really wanted her hair curled too and you were selfish and only curled your own hair."

His comment was not only out of character but rather surprising. I knew without a doubt there was no way that he came to that conclusion all on his own! I turned to look at Hallie and she was bright red. At first she denied saying anything about it to Hunter. I asked her if she was mad at me that morning for not curling her hair. She shamefully admitted she was upset and had vented to Hunter. I finally made eye contact with Hunter and with his matter-of-fact face he said, "It still wasn't very nice."

I'm sure it won't be the last time they talk about why they are mad at their parents!

Funny Comment...

For any of you that have ever scraped popcorn ceiling, you know how miserable it can be. Scraping above your head for any amount of time is uncomfortable and painful, leaving for hand feeling tingly. We decided while we had our flooring torn out in the office it would be a good time to remove the dated popcorn ceiling. I started the process this morning. I laid down plastic to cover the newly ground concrete floors and then started in small sections, spraying the ceiling with water and then scraping. Sprayed a little more and scraped a little more. After a good hour this morning, my arm was numb. I called it quits.

Knowing that we are having floors installed next week I decided I would go back at the scraping tonight. I got back on the stool and started to scrape. Steve was passing through and stopped to watch the process. I was just starting a new section. I sprayed and started scraping. After I just a few scrapes, which literally took all the upper strength of my right arm, Steve said while standing in the doorway, "That's not as hard as I thought it would be." I slowly turned around in exhaustion and gave him the look of death and then I simply laughed at his response. He got my vibe and quickly recognized his statement wasn't well timed. I'm not going to let him live that one down!

Funny Comment...

We bought a wii years ago. We used it a lot the first year as Steve and my brother would play each other over the internet. Then life got busy and the wii became nothing more than a way to watch netflix.

At the time, our kids were pretty young and it didn't really interest them, but when we moved, we packed it with us for our temporary housing. Somehow, our games didn't make the move with us and they were packed in our long term storage. So we used the wii strictly for netflix.

Once we unpacked all of our stuff, we still couldn't find the one game the kids would be interested in playing - mario kart. We owned it and yet we searched every dvd case and it never showed up. We didn't have any other the games that were really kid friendly, so once again, the wii was strictly to watch movies.

Just a few weeks ago, a friend was over and by some miracle came across our Mario Kart within all of our movies. Our kids, although never having played it, were ecstatic at the idea of a kids game for the wii. So one morning before school started I let them play each other. They had so much fun. I was cracking up watching them. Hunter is awful and spends the majority of the race going the wrong way, but he was giggling the whole time trying to catch up with Hallie. It has become their new favorite incentive. The other day, Hunter was racing Hallie. He tends to be very mobile as he races the course and he continually stepped in front of Hallie as he made a turn.

Hallie: Hunter, stop doing that. Stop stepping in front of me, I can't see.
Hunter: But I have to, I have to win.

As if stepping in front of her will result in his car being in front of her, too funny.

Funny Comment...

We have a sneaky little boy. He's been known to hide food in the covers of his bed, corners of deep closets and underneath the treadmill. Very rarely do we catch him in the midst of a heist, but Hallie does we she can to patrol him.

We were all outside this evening. Hallie, who has eyes like a hawk notices something slightly different about Hunter.

Hallie: Why are your lips blue?
Hunter: They're not.
Hallie: Mom, why do you think his lips are blue?

She always likes to involve me to make sure Hunter receives the correct punishment, but I didn't have the fight in me tonight so I brushed it off.

Hallie: Seriously Hunter what did you eat?
Hunter: Nothing
Hallie: I can see your lips are blue.

Hunter now starts to realize Hallie is going to figure it out. Hunter responded quickly.

Hunter: Um...(looking around), I just put my lips on the blue trash can (recycling bin) and it must have come off on my lips.

Hallie looked at me with the most skeptical face, I bust up laughing.

To say he stretches the truth would be a flat out lie...

Let it be known Hallie is relentless and it didn't take her long before she figured out that Hunter had snuck a gatorade. She made sure to let me know like any good patrol woman would!

Funny Comment...

We were eating dinner and Hunter asks:

Hunter: Can we take a bath together tonight? (referring to Hallie)
Steve: No, we don't take baths with other people.
Hunter: Yes we do, we did last night
Steve: (looking sheepishly in my direction, knowing I was out of town and completely out of the loop) Yea, in your swimsuits! Because I was being lazy!
Hunter: Are you lazy right now?

It's our new favorite thing to say, "Are you lazy right now?"

Funny Comment...

Me: Leave Bennett alone - Stop bugging him. Better yet, you need to go upstairs for rest time.
Hunter: I don't want to go to rest time.
Me: Get upstairs for rest time, we're not discussing it.
Hunter: (major meltdown, screaming, tears, fist throwing) I already told you I'm not tired, I'm not going to rest time.
Me: The fit you're throwing says otherwise. Now. Go.
Hunter: I don't want to go to rest time, you can't make me.

At this point I left the room. I was done listening to the screaming and if he told me he's not tired one more time in his whiney/tired voice I was going to scream and cry myself. I didn't re-enter the room for an hour and I found this:
I feel like I won. He fell asleep. But he probably thinks he won - he never went upstairs to rest time. He made it up a stair, but decided his legs were too tired to move on.

A little funny...

This little kid tends to get into situations that I never found Hallie in. He's curious. He's energetic. He's a risk taker. He is destructive. He is all boy.

I was helping him use the bathroom the other day. He was taking his time so I kept leaving and coming back to check on him. He finally finished and I instructed him to wash his hands and head to rest time. Within seconds, I didn't hear the water running so I made my way back to the bathroom to remind him wash his hands. He was standing in the bathroom and gave me the exact look from this picture.

Completely mischievous. I asked a number of times what he was up to and he denied any wrong doing.

As he took one step to wash his hands I noticed the floor was wet. I peered around the toilet and it was really wet. Not like "I kinda missed the toilet wet" but more like "I wasn't even aiming for the toilet" wet. He denied any wrong doing but his face told a completely different story and his feet were wet.

I still can't figure out when he managed to make the mess- but what concerns me was him playing in it. The second I called him out on it, he made a dash for the door and ran out of the bathroom, with urine coated feet.

That kid keeps me on my toes and creates more work for me every single day he wakes up!

Funny Comment...

Remember the boy who thought a woman shouldn't be fixing sprinklers (here), he's back.

This time while he's walking by, I'm enjoying my new favorite tool. He watches me from afar blowing the front porch and I make my way to the side of the house by the garage after completion. I shut down the blower just as he turns the corner and walking past our garage.

"Seriously, why doesn't your husband do these things?"

"He's at work all day and doesn't get home until late and when he does get home he's doing other important things. Because I'm here all day I can do it."

"My mom stays at home all day and she still doesn't do anything, my dad does it all for her."

"Then your mom and I are very different people because I enjoy this type of stuff."

"That's weird."

In my mind I'm thinking, "You know what's really weird? You thinking your mom doesn't do anything all day and that your dad does everything. That's weird!!"

Funny Comment...

Not too long ago I was outside with the kids. I was working on the sprinkler system when a little neighbor boy - 8 years old -came walking by.

"Why isn't your dad doing that."

I'm confused. The little boy is confused. I try to clear it up. "What do you mean my dad..."

"Or your husband. Why isn't your husband doing that. It's his job to fix it."

I didn't know what to tell him, he was adamant that I wasn't competent to complete the task at hand.

Hallie then came to my rescue in a very defensive and loud voice..."My mom knows how to fix things."

The little boy looked at her funny and didn't say another word while he walked away.

I gave Hallie a high five. I know how to fix things. But even better than that is that my daughter knows that I know how to fix things!!

Funny Comment...

I pulled out Hallie's Easter basket and found it full of candy from last year - Hunter's was the same story. Evidently we told them we would let them have the candy later and of course quickly shoved them back in storage before they noticed. The buckets were full of eggs and candy!

Hunter sat next to me as we made the discovery this afternoon and his eyes just about popped out of their sockets. He was so excited and he kept trying to walk through different scenarios that would allow him to eat this candy. I told him he would find eggs soon enough, but he wasn't eating this candy. So then he was excited about the egg hunt - so excited he was talking faster than he was thinking.

"Mom, I know...I know what we can do. We can find 2 bunnies with their eggs and then we can cut the rabbit open and get the candy.......no, I mean the wrapper, not the rabbit."

Good thing! I was beginning to wonder about the sick child who wanted to cut the rabbit open to get the candy - he just wants to cut the wrapper! The two can be easily confused!!

Funny Comment...

While preparing dinner, I hear from the living room Hallie scream, "Hunter is trying to cut my foot off."

Hallie can be overly dramatic so I tell her, "Stop being dramatic, he's not going to cut your foot off."

In a panic, Hallie yells back, "Yes he will, he's using the pizza cutter." (Let it be known that this is not a metal blade cutter - but it still cuts pizza!)

"You're right, he is trying to cut your foot off."

With the thought of losing her right foot, she continues to scream.

I summoned Hunter to the kitchen. Sure enough, the guilty party walked in with the weapon. He was in timeout for a while...

Sidenote: He was in timeout the other day for something or other. He screams at me from the timeout chair, "When I get out I'm going to punch you in the face." Clearly the concept of timeout has been lost. He was in the chair just a little bit longer that day!

Funny Comment...

Kaytlin was in her room packing up her stuff to move back to Idaho. In an exasperated and drawn out voice Kaytlin says, "I hate packing."

Hallie walks in while she's saying this and quickly replies, "Then stop living in other people's houses."

Hallie has my wit - but in this case, she had no idea she was being funny, she was just stating the facts.